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If you’ve been listening to the podcast lately, you probably heard, perhaps too often, about my upcoming road trip. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be driving around this beautiful country of ours, spending some time with family, meeting with a few of you, and just relaxing and having fun.
Why a road trip? Good question. Well. I actually like road trips. My dad was a traveling salesman, so perhaps it comes naturally. I enjoy slowing down and taking the time to tour around and see places, and meet people, and have new adventures. I’ve learned to pull back on the hectic pace of life during my withdrawal, and it’s a value I now treasure.
Traveling and Withdrawal
Traveling comes with a litany of stressors and difficulties. But when you add the complications of benzo withdrawal, things can get a bit messy.
I rarely traveled when I was in acute withdrawal. I couldn’t. Much like so many of you, I would have been happy to just get out of the house some days, let alone drive across the country. But now I’m better. I realize how blessed I am to be able to get out and see this country again.
But that doesn’t mean things went smoothly.
A Comedy of Injuries
One of the biggest struggles of an upcoming trip is the amount of time between planning the trip, and the start of the trip, for things to go wrong. Normally, I have no idea when the next wave of symptoms will hit me, but when there is an upcoming trip, I can promise you one will hit just before I leave. And this trip didn’t disappoint.
I’ve been in a wave the past couple of weeks. Big surprise, huh? I’ve been so busy trying to get episodes of the podcast ready for while I’m gone that I’ve not been taking good care of myself. Two weeks ago the insomnia started and it’s still going strong. It’s been joined by what I like to call “my greatest hits,” including akathisia, paraesthesia, cog fog, memory loss, muscle tightness, abdominal issues, tinnitus, and few others I so enjoy. Unfortunately, that wasn’t where it ended.
Last Thursday, I decided to try and get healthy before the trip and I went for a jog. Of course, I didn’t have time to stretch beforehand. So, I pulled a muscle. The pain in my thigh didn’t start right away, but over a day or two, it really began to burn. Now it hurts to walk.
Two nights ago, I got up in the middle of the night to relieve myself. I do that about 3-4 times a night these days. On the way back to bed, I kicked the dresser in the dark. Broke my toe. I’ve never seen such shades of black and purple before. Now it hurts to walk even more.
Yesterday, our website went offline with no explanation, my phone went into recovery mode and I thought I lost all my data, and my traveling buddy threw his back out. Those things had nothing to do with my withdrawal, but I wanted to throw them in there just to add a bit more spice to the story.
And I haven’t even left for the trip yet.
But the most bizarre aspect of this whole fiasco — is that it’s okay. I’m not depressed. I’m not angry. I’m not even feeling a bit down. Instead, I think it’s funny; and I’m more determined than ever.
This beast of benzo withdrawal can throw anything it wants at me, but I’m not going to back down. I’m going on this trip, and it’s just going to have to learn to accept that. After almost 18 years of dealing with the effects of this drug, it can’t hurt me anymore.
About the Podcast While I’m Gone
Just in case you are curious as to what will happen to the podcast while I’m gone, I believe I’ve got that covered.
I’ve pre-recorded three podcast episodes for release while I’m out-of-town, including a double-header interview that I think you’re really going to enjoy. And, as I’ve mentioned, I’m bringing my audio recorder with me to record a few musings along the way and hopefully a conversation or two. I’ll share that content with you after I return.
Please, don’t feel you can’t reach out to me while I’m gone. Yes, I’m sure I will be slow to respond at times, but I promise I will reply to each and every one of you after I return the end of November, if not before.
See ya soon…
Well, as always, thanks again for all the support you’ve provided me over the past nine months of the podcast. I’m sure this time away will re-energize me and I hope to come back with some new ideas, content, guests, and more.
Take care, taper slowly, and take care of yourself, D :)